Silver Sneakers

The summer of 2011 is memorable to me for several reasons. There were 27 consecutive days of 100+ degrees temperature. My tires became so hot, the rubber "bubbled" and fell apart. Every time I left my air conditioned home, I felt like I had been slapped in the face by the heat. Also, this was the summer my neurologist spoke the words that no MS patient wants to hear, "I think you should consider a leg brace."

I have been living with MS for over 25 years. I knew my doctor was correct with her recommendation. My "lazy leg" often caused me to stumble or fall. Once, I closed the car door on my uncooperative limb. It was, indeed, time to try a leg brace. But, a leg brace doesn't enter your life as a solo act. You must find a shoe that accommodates the added width of the brace. Was the trying on every big, black, Frankenstein shoe in the city of Austin a grim necessity?

After a long afternoon of shopping for unattractive, expensive shoes, I entered the doors of the Karavel Shoe Store in North Austin with a long, sad face. I was silently singing the third verse of "Nobody Knows the Trouble I've Seen" when I met a salesperson named Bo. He took one look at me and said, "Come with me. I've got the shoes for you!" I couldn't even fake excitement, but I followed him, carrying my brace in a box. He led me to a display that held a pair of sneakers: SILVER SNEAKERS! I wanted to scream, "Hallelujah", but I was sure shoes that cute would not accommodate my foot in a brace. My cheerful sales person explained that he had a niece in her thirties who had a stroke. She, too, needed a pair of shoes that were cute and would accommodate a brace. These shoes had worked for her. Still unconvinced, I was measured and given a pair of sneakers to try. I watched my prosthetic, an AFO, slide into the left sneaker. Then, my foot entered the shoe. Bo was right. The sneakers fit! I almost cried. My shoes were not glass slippers, but I felt like Cinderella.
(For comfort's sake, I'll take silver leather sneakers over glass slippers, any day!)

"Silver Sneakers" is my new code word for the finding solutions to dilemmas life throws in my way.

My Gleefull Past

The Turning Away

I enjoy watching a variety of birds from my window. I fill a couple of feeders and s sprinkle a bit of seed on my patio for the "ground feeders". Late this afternoon, I noticed an Aztec dove, a common ground feeder, hunching in a corner of my patio. I worked in my kitchen and returned to the window, looking for the bird. These ground feeders feed with a watchful eye for neighborhood cats, foxes, and raccoons who would view them as a potential meal. This bird had not moved. There was no blood, no obvious injury, but she had a look about her, like she knew death was near. There was no flailing, no panic; just a resolute stare. I opened the door and poured some seed close to where she lay. She didn't flinch. She ignored the seed and clutched her wings a bit tighter to her body. I decided to keep an eye on her while I sat by my kitchen table. I could not help her, but I couldn't bear for one of the woodland predators to steal a quiet death from her. I left the table for a minute. When I returned, I saw that she had turned her back toward me. After the turning away, death came within 30 minutes. She fell on her side, lifeless. I thanked God for the beauty of her life and the woods we both call home.

When my time comes to turn away from life, I hope for a peaceful end, under the watchful eyes of a loving God. "Not a sparrow (or an Aztec dove) falls beyond His care."

Hope for Haiti

I love seeing the C-17 transport planes fly into Haiti, full of medicine doctors and food. I love hearing about the huge donations from stars like Sandra Bullock meant to ease the suffering of homeless Haitian families. But, for me, the most lovely picture of hope for the people of Haiti was a picture I saw on a nightly news report. Dancing and diving in the air, just above the tents of the newly homeless, was a kite fashioned of plastic wrapping paper. The plastic looked as if it had once covered a large supply of paper goods, groceries, or medicine. Though the kite was a creation of modest components, it represents a brave, creative spirit that refuses to be vanquished. Isn't it just like a child to have more delight in the wrapper that held the goods instead of the goods? God bless those children for employing every scrap of material that comes their way. The spirit that put together that strange, but delightful kite is the same spirit that will be vital to the people of Haiti as they rebuild their island.

Fear

Fear is a fog that rolls in, obscuring all that would keep us optimistic and hopeful.
That fog hangs, refusing to dissipate, shrouding even familiar, happy landscapes in a sinister cloak.
Fear sucks the energy from the most considered efforts, paralyzing them in their infancy.

When that fog rolls in again, as it most assuredly will,
May the words of my heavenly Father rise up in my heart.
"For lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age".
May the words of the angel of the Lord speak to me
As they spoke to Abraham, Mary, Paul and many other saints,
FEAR NOT!

Fear

A Writer Couldn't Make This Stuff Up

Enduring my current kidney stone and musing on "stones of my past". I recalled a female urologist that I once visited.   Some of my memories of her are as follows.

1)  She was recommended by my internist

2)  I was in pain

3)  She looked so normal

A female urologist.  She will appreciate the complex female structure.  She will have a unique understanding of the effects of child bearing on the bladder.  We could easily communicate.

NOT SO.  I did not understand the exact source of my pain.  I tried to explain to her the nature of the pain and my medical history.  She seemed to be listening.  Then,a weird smile appeared on her face.  Although she was and probably still is a smart woman, she said things to me that took a

condescending tone to a new low.  

"What would happen if you just went ahead with your daily activities with this...pain?"

(the worse was yet to come)  "Why don't you buy yourself a big fluffy cat and just pet it

when you are having this pain?  And, you should squeeze  rubber ball.  Just take it in your hand and squeeze it when you are you experiencing your... pain?"  I sat there with my mouth open.

I couldn't believe that another woman was talking about my number 9 pain on the 1 - 10 pain scale pain

and suggesting this hurt could be cured by some "kitty and ball therapy".  A writer couldn't make this stuff up.

Needless to say, I never saw this physician again.  I hesitate to call her a physician, but the prerequisite official papers were framed on her office wall.  I told my internist how the urologist had behaved and what she had said.  She chuckled and told me this female doc had been around her male counterparts a bit too long.  After speaking to some "stone patients" that I know and trust, I have found a new name.  I hope this doctor can help me out.  No condescending chit chat. Just prescribe meds and perform procedures and pretend to care about my pain.  

The last line in Tea House of the August Moon reads :

"Pain makes man think.  Thoughts make man wise.  Wisdom makes life endurable."

I wish all unsympathetic doctors a bit of pain so they may become more wise.

The lives of the doctors and their patients could then become endurable.